Negotiation is an art, and one that is highly engraved in the human being. But unfortunately, people today have forgotten about this and keep on finding ways to avoid negotiating. People today are starting to feel more and more entitled. They think they deserve it, they believe that the world exists only in order to satisfy their desires. And this belief is a starting point for so much misery and conflict all across our society.
There is nothing wrong with you believing that you deserve stuff, there is nothing wrong with you having a good opinion about yourself. But it’s one thing to believe that as a helpful tool in order to be better at what you do and another one entirely too really think that this is the way the world actually works. Yes, we all have to be sure that we are the best and that we deserve everything, but that feeling is just for us. Maybe that’s a weird dichotomy for you, but that’s what you should think. You are the best and you believe it 100%, but at the same time you know that it is just a little lie you tell yourself in order to help you feel better.
And this is where negotiation comes into play. Yes, it is good for you to believe that you are entitled to get everything you want, but at the same time you have to realize that actually, you have to give something back. So the bottom line is, lie to yourself, but don’t truly believe in those lies, because you are negating their positive effect by doing that. We have to lie to ourselves in order to help us overcome obstacles, not in order to live isolated in our own little stupid bubble.
Life is a negotiation and you have to accept that truly, 100%. Love, friendship, family, everything is earned and if you want to get stuff you have to be willing to also give up stuff. If you have 100 desires you have to accept the fact that some of them may cost you. But don’t just say it, really understand it. If you want your soul mate to give you the attention you require, you have to give something in return. If you want your family to love you and to help you when you are down, you have to be willing to do the same for them, without feeling that as a burden.
This is the problem with people today, they make sacrifices they are not happy with, because they cannot accept they have to make them in first place. The first step in order to be happy is to accept that making sacrifices is a tool in the endless negotiation that is your life and that nobody is forcing you to make them. But if you want stuff, you have to pay for it. Let’s say you go and buy a coffee from the shop, you don’t feel guilty or ashamed or angry because you had to pay for it, because you accept it as a normal thing to do. You want a coffee, you have to pay for that coffee, there is no other way of getting it, you have to pay. So do that in your personal life as well. Accept that you have to pay for things, accept that in the absence of a certain give and take, you can’t have a relationship with anybody. And yes, I am including family here because those are relationships like any other, and there has to be negotiation even there in order to make everybody truly happy.
The next time you want a blowjob from your girlfriend, or you want to make your boyfriend go shopping for 10 hours, or you want to convince your child to do his homework, think about what you can give in return and accept that it is normal to give something in return. Love doesn’t mean you don’t have to negotiate, because everybody wants stuff and using only feelings is not ok. If you want people around you to do stuff for you, you should never use only “do it because you love me”. Because that is not fair. Use instead “do it because you love me and because I will give you this in return”. That is the way to fulfil your dreams without alienating everybody around you and you can only feel happy about that after you accept the absolute truth that everything is and should be a negotiation…